Parenting is Overwhelming: You Can Do This Without Drinking

Alcohol in motherhood is often seen as a reward. How many times have you had a rough day with the kids, texted a friend or posted on social media about it, and gotten responses that encourage you to drink alcohol? We look at it as something we deserve after going through a hard time. We see it as a reward at the end of a hard day, and a form of self-care. 

It can feel really intimidating to begin your sober curious journey as a parent. Parenting is SO stressful and overwhelming. Kids are very overstimulating for many of us. They’re loud, they always need something, and they’re always making you get up whenever you sit down. Alcohol is an easy coping mechanism to get through these difficult times. We see it as stress relief, and a way to relax. It’s a self-care activity you can partake in while still fulfilling your parental duties.

When we look at alcohol as our “reward,” it’s obviously hard to give it up. When life is so stressful already, taking away something we see as a reward can be devastating. This is where it’s so important to re-frame our thinking. Alcohol is NOT a reward. Alcohol is a toxin that our body has to work to get out of our system. It negatively affects our sleep, it doesn’t help your brain function, and it raises your cortisol levels. 

You likely know all of this already, and are experiencing such cognitive dissonance. If drinking is so bad, why does it feel so good? This is where you really have to dig deep and be honest with your own feelings, rather than listening to your conditioned mind. Alcohol does not lower your stress levels or help you have fun - you only believe that because that’s what you’ve observed, and what everyone else believes. Alcohol has been marketed to us this way. But when it really comes down to it, drinking just numbs the feelings in the moment and then you have a boomerang effect of irritability and more stress and anxiety the next day.

I’m not going to lie and say that abstaining from alcohol will immediately make parenting easier. It won’t. The early days of quitting alcohol may make parenting seem even harder. This is because it’s so difficult to quit drinking. Alcohol is addictive, and your body craves it when you’ve been habitually drinking. You’ll probably feel a little cranky and irritable, nothing you haven’t felt before in parenting. 

Not having alcohol as a coping mechanism forces you to learn to decompress in other ways, most of which are going to be much more effective than alcohol ever was. You'll have to find new "rewards" for yourself, new self-care activities. This is actually really exciting! Not drinking gives you time, motivation, and let's be honest - frees up some money. This is the time to treat yourself, and try new things that bring you joy.

After awhile, you’ll realize that not drinking makes you less stressed overall. And that pays out in spades with parenting. You’ll be sleeping better, feeling more clarity, and your mind won’t be focusing on that brain numbing treat at the end of the day. You’ll learn how to regulate, and you’ll have more patience. It’ll become easier to stay present through the difficult moments. 

I encourage you to give it a try! You have nothing to lose, right? Do a month-long alcohol-free challenge, and be really honest with yourself about how you feel. Try it a few times if you need to (I certainly did). It might take a long time to get where you want to be, but that’s okay! You’re on the right path. 

If you need some help along the way, get in touch!

Jess