The Sober Millennial Mom’s Guide to Halloween Candy

I’m just kidding. I have no advice on how to navigate Halloween candy. I have not yet gotten to the point where I can truly understand the dangers of candy, and how society has convinced me to eat way more candy than I should. How it shouldn’t really even be classified as a food. Perhaps that’s my next journey: the candy curious journey? Stay tuned.

What I do want to talk about is how similarly we (used loosely to indicate those who are like me) treat Halloween candy and alcohol, as summarized in the picture below.

Now maybe I’m stretching it here for some of you, who may not be as in love with candy as I am, but I spend a lot of time being very aware that the Halloween candy season is coming. It’s hard not to be, with the thousands of bags of candy displayed in the stores. 

I know myself well enough to know that I can’t buy Halloween candy too far in advance. The game of “should I open it?” has to start close enough to Halloween to not completely end weeks before trick or treating. But you also can’t wait too long because of logistics like pricing and availability. 

Looking back, I spent a ton of time pondering all of this in the grocery store, for both alcohol and candy. The same dialogue played throughout my head. I’d question whether or not I should buy it now, or wait. Then I’d take forever to pick out just the right one. Then I’d bring it home, and promise myself I wouldn’t open it yet. I’d stare at it, the temptation killing me. Then I’d give in and say okay fine, I’ll open it, but I’ll just have one. And then I get the satisfaction of that one - that dopamine hit is REAL. That’s the point where it’s game over for me. Once you start, it’s really hard to just stop. I have spent many a Halloween day at the grocery store, restocking our half-eaten candy supply.

Moderation is a slippery slope - for both candy and alcohol. It’s so easy to rationalize having just one piece of candy, or just one glass of wine. But it’s so hard to just stop there. The temptation is still there, and you’ve experienced the dopamine hit that keeps you coming back for more. And then you feel terrible. You’ve done it again, you’ve had more than you intended. 

The guilt and shame cycle is an emotional roller coaster that can leave you feeling lost and alone. You feel so disappointed in yourself, beating yourself up for messing up once again. It's easy to feel worthless, and lose hope. You promise yourself that you’ll do better next time, but how can you believe in yourself when you’ve just finished beating yourself up? 

It’s so important to recognize that you’re human. No human is perfect. We all have our “thing;” some of us have more than one thing. Even the most rational, highly self-controlled person has succumbed to the temptation of “just one more” of their thing and felt shame and regret. Alcohol is addictive. It’s one of the most addictive drugs on the planet. And it’s not only legal, but it’s encouraged and ubiquitous. So DO NOT beat yourself up for consuming more of it than you should. However, you do need to take responsibility and work on improving. 

Managing temptation by controlling your environment is one piece of the puzzle. Of course, the reality is that it’s very easy to get alcohol. It’s never very far away. It’s a bigger decision to get in the car and drive to the store for just that one thing, but it’s not that big. 

The bigger chunk of the puzzle is looking inward. You have to figure out what’s going on inside of you that’s driving you to drink more than you should. You have to fix your relationship with yourself. If you’re beating yourself up all the time, you’re only bringing yourself down and becoming more vulnerable to losing control. Practicing self-compassion will bring you far greater results than self-criticism. 

The next time you find yourself drawn to the temptation of a bag of candy or a bottle of wine, pause and reflect. Consider what it is that you’re looking for. Are you really craving that substance, or are you craving the feeling the substance gives you? Consider how you’d feel if you went down that road again - knowing it is hard to stop at just one. And if you cave, it’s okay. You’re human. Progress, not perfection. It’s called a journey for a reason.