Alcohol is a great “mind shusher.” With that first sip, you feel a sense of relaxation. A fuzzy buzzy feeling that feels so soothing. Alcohol tells you it’s okay, you’ve got this. But it’s a false promise, isn’t it? It feels so nice for those first few sips. And then what? You either need another drink, or a nap.
If you continue with another drink, you really get into the numbing effects of alcohol. Your problems shrink away and your anxiety is GONE. I mean why isn’t alcohol used as treatment for anxiety? Oh right. All of that anxiety boomerangs back at you! Why does this take us so long to realize this?
Alcohol can be fantastic in the moment, but after that moment is up, there is a jarring drop back to reality. Enveloped in hangxiety and a headache. Now you don’t just have your usual worry list, you have to worry about how much you drank, and what it’s doing to your body.
One of the key moments in my sober curious journey was the 3 AM wake-ups. I had read somewhere (thanks, internet) that waking up at 3 AM meant your liver was struggling to detoxify. So even if I’d only had one drink that day, I’d be absolutely sure I was poisoning my body to the point of no return.
Worrying is fascinating. It is actually what I credit for my sober curious journey ending in confident sobriety. I spent SO MUCH TIME thinking about alcohol - when I was going to drink next, how much I should have, whether I should go out to the store and get some more. And then I spent EVEN MORE time worrying about how much I thought about alcohol. I began to question whether I was an alcoholic. But I was not a “problem-drinker." I wasn't blacking out, never drove while drinking, and I had days where I didn’t drink. So was my problem just worry itself? Was I worrying over nothing?
When I was on my sober curious journey, I was absolutely consumed with thinking about alcohol and all things related to my drinking. I reasoned with myself every single day that I could just cut back on my drinking. But then I was consumed with what that meant. And then I started to ration myself, and count my drinks. And much like my attempts at dieting, I totally failed. I was never able to get to a place where I could just drink a few drinks a week without obsessing over every aspect of it.
For me, the biggest relief in sobriety is the amount of free headspace I now have. Not drinking is a really simple black and white choice. You don’t have to overanalyze when it might be okay to say yes to a drink, and keep track of how many you’ve had so that you stay within that magical “acceptable” range that does not really exist. It is SO FREEING.
