One of the surprisingly most difficult aspects of giving up drinking is telling other people. In the early stages, you're not quite sure you're really going to do it. Will you stick with it? Is it just a phase? Are you going to fail? By telling people, you are both holding yourself accountable and setting yourself up for an embarrassing failure.
If you decline a drink, people will assume you are pregnant or an alcoholic, or they might think you're on medication. Be prepared to make people uncomfortable in a variety of social settings. Also be prepared to be put on the spot and asked why you are not drinking.
Most people associate sobriety with alcoholism. While no amount of alcohol is healthy for your body, there are plenty of people out there who can drink in moderation and it does not consume their minds. These people may assume you are an alcoholic. After all, why would someone without a drinking problem give up alcohol?
We are all so different, and there is no right way to do any of this. No one can truly understand what anyone else is going through. It can be hard to feel judged by others. You might even question if you really do have a problem with alcohol. During these times, just remember, you are making the choice that is best for YOU.
That all being said, the tide is turning. Choosing to be sober is becoming more and more common. Now is a great time to be sober curious; it is on trend! There is likely still going to be a stigma associated with sobriety, but I promise you it is going to fade. My biggest hope is that drinking goes the way of smoking - a collective wake up call that this stuff isn't good for us.
Support comes in all forms
It's really funny to me how supportive people are of Dry January. Everyone knows how hard it is, and it's a great "excuse" to not drink. Everyone understands! However, if you decide to continue your “dry journey,” you may not have that same support. I really struggled with this aspect. The throwaway comments like “oh, you’re still doing that?” and “we’ll see how long that lasts,” were hurtful.
When I continued my sobriety after Dry January, I wasn't sure how long I was going to go for. There was no road map, I was just doing what I felt worked for me. It was really daunting to think about never drinking alcohol ever again, so I didn't think about it. I just kept trudging forward.
I was able to use some of the dismissive comments as fuel for my journey, a way to prove people wrong. This faded quickly because when it comes down to it, no one is actually all that invested in the outcome. I quietly went along my journey, confident I was doing what was best for me. It can be very isolating navigating this journey alone, but it is also hugely rewarding.
To tell or not to tell...
It is up to you whether or not you want to tell anyone what you're doing. There are some people that are going to have to know that you're not drinking at all, like your spouse. If you get lucky, they can be a major source of support. Other people may only make it harder, or make you feel judged. Do what works for you, and remember that this journey is about YOU.
People will forget that you’re not drinking, and that’s okay. Drinking is so ingrained in our society that people simply forget that someone might choose not to drink. Do not take it personally. Most people are so involved in their own story, they don't even think about you.
I do sometimes still feel awkward around drinking in social situations. Sometimes, it's easy to just say "no thanks, I'm not drinking tonight." It implies this is just a momentary decision and you don't have to explain yourself. It can be really stressful to be put on the spot and asked why you're not drinking. There are people who will find it personally offensive. That’s okay. Alcohol is a HUGE part of our society, and you are no longer in the majority that drinks. And that’s OKAY! We all have to do what is best for us, and that looks different for everyone.
